Diabulus In Musica – Secrets

June 2, 2010

Label: Metal Blade

Not to be confused with the Slayer album Diabolus in Musica this band are pretty much do for ‘Symphonic Metal’ what Slayer have done to thrash… except badly. In other words, it’s just about the most generic album it’s physically possible to make. Credit where credit’s due it is their debut album and all when that is taken into consideration it’s actually not half bad. But the song ‘New Era’ pretty much sums up everything that is wrong with this band, after a promising opening 10 seconds the fucking keyboards start and it’s all downhill from there.

Sounding like a pathetic amalgamation of Evanescence, (Poor) Fear Factory and Sonata ‘We Suck Massive Cock’ Artica it all falls apart.  If you haven’t lost faith already it will all fall to bits when you see the Myspace page which credits band members with the roles of ‘Screams’ and ‘Grunts’, it’s just painful. It’s little as makes no difference that I consider anything remotely ‘symphonic’ or ‘epic’ to be as  appealing a a dogshit sandwich, this album is just awful. It may seem that I’m being overly harsh, and perhaps I am being a little bit so. As I said at the beginning this is the band’s debut it would seem unfair to try and judge them on this effort (although most people will).

I think that the inherent retching sensation that this music induces in my intestines come from the fact that it has quite possibly what is the singularly most narcissistic and vomit-forming ‘fans’. With hair that reaches beyond their (probably tiny) cocks they prance around in Dragonforce shirts condemning anything they consider remotely ‘un-metal’ (in other words, actually credible). True many people may feel this way about my love for hardcore but frankly fuck you, I like Hatebreed. And no I don’t think that this makes me ‘cool’.

I fear that this ‘review’ has become a ‘rant’ and for that I beg your forgiveness (unless you like power metal in which case, I don’t care). Now I’ve calmed down a bit I feel my earlier scathing comments regarding this album may be a little OTT but to be quite honest I can’t be arsed to try and write something that doesn’t reflect my gut reaction to it. There is definitely some musical ability here and once Diabulus in Musica stop dicking around they could actually produce some fairly decent stuff. Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as the likes of White Wizzard or (god forbid) Subway To Sally. But it’s still nothing special… or much good.


Mr Bogle

For those of you unfamiliar with Hatebreed, here’s a taster;




  1. I don’t think this is a review :O You couls only say that you don’t like the genre and that’s all…

  2. But that wouldn’t be nearly as much fun 😉

  3. A pretty harsh review, yet it still gets 5? :p

    • As I said, it has promise and therefore a 5 felt reasonable 😉

      • Hah, fair enough. You were right about one thing, liking Hatebreed doesn’t make you cool XD

      • Touche!

  4. Great symphonic metal band! \m/ 🙂

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