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Technology is out to get us…

November 18, 2010

Skynet is real and we’re all gonna die.

…and we’re all fucked. How you say? Well for a start #IAmSpartacus just thought we’d get that out the way. If you’re one of those twats who claim that they deliberately ignore social networking because ‘it’s gonna kill us all’ piss off and get a job. I just wanted to make it clear that I am the dude who actually threatened to blow up Robin Hood Airport. The other guy was just covering. He owned me a favour after I brought him a pint… shame it all got so out of hand.

I picked up my Uni’s local ‘Rag’ (I prefer toilet roll myself) but names aside. It contained various idiots sprouting bullshit from every orifice imaginable. This is included some choice pickings; including a review of Todd Phillips’ latest shit film (he’s the guy who made ‘The Hangover’) and before you say anything, I HATED that movie, just terrible, misogynistic bollocks.  But if you want to hear anyone on just why it’s really not worth the time of day I suggest Dr Kermode’s diagnosis. ‘Due Date’ (that’s the new one by the way) just from the trailer looks awful.  Honestly, first time I saw it I turned to my other half and said ‘well that looks shit’ trust me, I really did. ‘Bromance’ isn’t funny.

The second was the words ‘awesome 3D’ used in connection to the cinema really made me realise just how worried I am about ‘3D’ I mean when you’re getting is either bodily fluids, stupid bits of body parts, boobs or whatever else gets thrown out at us. I mean face it Avatar was really bad, just really really bad. Boring, unoriginal and vacuous. I’d much rather go see ‘Papa Smurf’s Sex Tape’ than sit through another screening of ‘Dances with Wolves in Space’.

The question now is what’s next? Am I going to go to see ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean 4’ where Johnny Depp is going to donn his gloves from ‘Edward Scissorhands’ reach out and slice my head off for real? I’m very scared and would warn anyone against it. It’ll be a fucking massacre.

Final thing, the ‘rag’ also listed ‘DVD we’re most looking forward to’ as… no not Toy Story 3 or Inception… but Sex and (the fucking) City 2! I mean COME ON! I LET YOU HAVE THE REST BUT REALLY!!!!!!

Phew, rant over.

Mr Bogle

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