Author Archive

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Prop19- A Big Change for all of us

November 5, 2010

Potentially the fate of the dope smoking population will be change in the next coming weeks with the Bill; Proposition 19. What happens in California will affect all of us, especially since we English look much cooler if we go along with whatever decision the U.S. makes, cause son I ain’t bein’ funny, but that Iraq war made us look the shiznaz (ooooooo ain’t I clever using political humor, praises to me!). Though just to clear things up, I know that this is a site for music, but music and dope go hand in hand like Cheech and Chong (pre and post break up (break up in a career sense not in a gay way, we can’t condone everything (Joke!)). If you have any ideological complaints about smoking dope then that is fine, no one is forcing you to smoke it (in the same way no one is forcing you to hang with the cool kids) you make your own choices in life that’s  what lifting these ridunkolous laws are all about, letting people make a choice, as well as a couple of other issues (I’ll get to them in my own sweet time).

If health is a concern, well I got some bad news for you, smoking and drinking are bad for you. I think it’s only me that knows this fact, but believe it or not the very things are precious government make a considerable profit on is eventually going to kill you, so it’s either all OK or none of it is. Many studies have shown that cannabis is nowhere near as harmful as tobacco and alcohol. If you look into the illegalizing of cannabis you’ll will find that health and morality weren’t a big factor in the illegalization of the drug.

“Reefer makes darkies think they’re as good as white men.”

“…the primary reason to outlaw marijuana is its effect on the degenerate races.”

“There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos, and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz, and swing, result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others.”
Actual quotes from the Harry Anslinger (A key player in the criminalization of cannabis, god bless him for fighting the good fight).

Back to the issue of that organized racket (music), there are many artist that are for the legalizing of weed, that you funky fresh kiddie winks   can get down with, for instance Dime Bag (although only way that I could of made that anymore obvious is by spelling it out for you), Sublime  (the members that are alive at least), Colt Jackson, Tenacious D,  Thunder Strook and many more, and if you pay by credit card I’ll provide Actors who are also for Legalizing it such as Seth Rogen, Jack Nicholson, Jennifer Aniston, Johnny Depp and many, many more.

Money is also taken out of the criminals back pocket and convenience is now in the hands of the dope fiends, truly a turn for the tables, as well as money pocketed off the revenue… oh sorry literally just got word through and apparently Prop19 is a no go. Nothing changes the Californian social experiment isn’t going to happen so go about you lives as per usual.

Although there was still a fair percentage that voted yes, so although immediate change didn’t happen, the future of the wonder crop is still uncertain.

Should probably rap up with something about music ermmm… oh it was Tom Petty’s 60th birthday recently (wait who the fuck is Tom Petty).

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Heavy Metal in Baghdad (2008)

September 16, 2010


Heavy Metal in Baghdad is a film that sets the bar on heavy metal films, it’s up their with Metal a Headbanger’s, Global Metal and errr, errm, well I haven’t seen Anvil: Story of Anvil, so yeah, don’t know if it’s one of the greats,if you seen it by all means give some thoughts. Any who Heavy Metal in Baghdad, is a hum dinger of a documentary that follows Iraqi band Acrassicauda and you know how bands have a rough background, well those out there in a band that has ‘back story’, go fuck yourself Acrassicauda had to be one of the worst off group of people in the world and what fucked is the fact the seem to be so cool about their situation is astounding (till thing go from fucked to worst bu t you have to watch it to get what I’m blabbering on about).

It makes me think how I would react in their situation and I came to a conclusion, that I’d react badly and I’m in a good situation at the moment, and I do nothing but bitch about everything, everyone and everywhere, I’m soft as shite essentially and I can barely last five minutes in the majority of places let alone Baghdad. The thing that I tip my bonnet to is the conditions that this film was produced under as surprisingly traveling to and thro a war zone is some what of a task within itself, oh and actually arriving there must be a bit of a “oooh fuck” moment as well as setting up camera and filming, the bass player even turns round and said that going to Iraq was a bit of a mistake, although he does so with a bit of sincerity (bless is cotton socks). They film the majority of the thing from the inside of a car surround by a security agency (a scatty one at that), it takes years for the presenter to actually meet the band, despite years of contact with the band.

Not only does the film show the plight of the band but also give the audience an insight in the Iraq war that you don’t see on the news, at the best of time it made me feel like a bell end for watching it on my fancy computer in my lovely house with a steaming cup of coco. Although Acrassicauda don’t need to rely on a guilt trip to get you to listen to them as their actually good band, there a straight up metal band but have some Arabic influence within the tunes giving it a bit more flava (know what I’m sayin’).

Though what I find the best part of the film is you don’t have to a pretty penny for it which is shit hot as it all on VBS.tv and whilst you’re at it you got to check out Vice’s Guide to Traveling to North Korea.

And before I forget here’s a link to the film: http://www.vbs.tv/en-gb/watch/acrassicauda–2

PterryPtez

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Sonishpere Schonisphere

September 15, 2010

As I haven’t written anything for a, good, long while now I figured it’s about time I wrote something about Sonisphere and, yes, I know that it’s been damn near a month so this the RC equivalent of writing about something that’s not very contemporary, or rather it’s exactly that, but fuck off I’m stuck for ideas and the band roulette udder isn’t quite ready for milking again just yet.

Sonisphere then, needless to say a hoot in a holla’, and quite a special occasion as my proverbial “festival cherry” was popped, kind of gives me fond memories of the boarding school, sleeping in a small space with a bunch of other guys whilst a cherry gets popped, but I digress. I always figured that a festival would play out like something between a Vietnam movie and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, trippy, a bit violent and filled with dutched camera angles.

Although It was a little while ago now I can still remember the parts that weren’t a blur (or rather slighty less blurry than the rest of the weekend) with some clarity so I figure it’s best to start (que the harps) on the thursday (and add an echo effect on the word “thursday” for good measure). It all started in a town called Fareham inside a Burger King, we were enjoying the fabulously tasting breakfast menu as well as rejoicing at the incredibly reasonable prices. Then my understudy Mr Boggles walked through the door and it was clear that I was defiantly an alpha amongst delta males. Although I had already started drinking at this point, my guess is that memory of the moments before the coach trip would be slightly different to the actual goings on, but as any friend of Ptez will tell you that I rarely drink and if I do it’s all in moderation.

The coach journey went off without a hitch, if you don’t include the whole breaking down on the side of motorway a hitch, and the  fact that the second coach smelt like clungey piss it was all in all a perfect journey.We then arrived at the festival and minus the two hours of queuing, we all got into the festival quite promptly. Naturally after setting up the tent we went straight to bed, not before going over our briefing about the dangers cannabis (a plant with roots… in HELL!).
It was the first day of music and although we still had till the evening to see the acts we got up early and read from our bibles and of course cleaned up our litter. We then  discuss why drinking is silly and why we wouldn’t do it ever again. The day passed by and it was time for the first act of the evening Turisas, clearly I must have had my cup of tea spike with some kind of drunkifying substance cause I regret to inform my readers (or rather all two of my readers) that Turisas is a bit of a blur, a fun red-faced blur that wears fabulous fur coats but a blur none the less.

6/10

I stumble around trying find another act, I went to the Jaeger stage only to find a band sound like a cross over of a torn anus and ripped arsehole (well in vocal terms at least.), then found myself at the Strong Bow tent, at this point Deaf Havana were playing. Deaf Havana were a band I’ve seen before so I knew that I’d be in for a musical treat. Again the blurriness will affect my judgment somewhat but this is what I remember, they were fucking awesome and like 90% of people who see Deaf Havana live I only really came for Friends Like These and shucks did they deliver and the audience were brilliant and a pleasure to be with.

8/10

Numan next and I was in for a big shock as like 100% of everyone my only impression of Gary Numan is Cars, I found to my surprise that Numan is pretty fucking heavy. He’s got this great industrial sound, the secret is the use of two Synth players one for typical synthy stuff and one to play along with the guitar riffs, which makes the riffage sound fat and when I say fat I mean PHAT (for are dyslexic readers).  Gary Numan a bit of a shock but a good shock that pleasantly surprised me.

8/10

Finally Alice Cooper, well what else can I say it’s Alice Fucking Cooper, I mean for fudge sake of course it going to be good if there something the man can do, it’s put on it’s a spectacle. Theatre of Death is incredible and there is no point in me reviewing it, there’s no point in talking about him dying Umpteen times or any of the classics featured in the set. In fact I might as well write the words Alice Cooper over and over and over again on the outside of your house and I don’t think that would do the show any justice.

9.9998/10

PterryPtez

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New Genre Idea-Gore Blimey (for the heavy English gentlemen)

July 10, 2010

A few months back I wrote an article called where do we go from here, in which I put forward the question how will the music we know and love change and will we still love it in what ever form it takes. Now I think I invented the single greatest form of British metal ever, it will make the British New Wave movement look like shit… I mean shite. It is as the title of the article suggest Gore Blimey, the music form so English it wears a bowler hat.

So what songs will be part of the Gore Blimey scene, well here’s a few title for you future Gore Blimey fans to sink your teeth into, Boiling Alive in a Nice Cup of Tea!, Cricket Team Gang Rape and Number Ten dooming Street. Even got the first album name GOREdon Bennet.

This could be huge and any band out there take this information and use it you ”ll be huge (within the UK). Think of all the band names you could have, Fish, Chips and DEATH!, Impailed on a Pin Cushion, A Pint of Murder, theres just no roof on this thing!

PterryPtez

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Mammutant-Atomizer

June 10, 2010

Label: Massacre

Well I suppose I should start with a little info first just to butter up your literary pallets.  Mammutant, were to start well there is nothing special about this band to be honest, I mean they did follow in the footsteps of Gwar, Lordi and Scooby Doo villains and decided to dress as monsters so they get points for that, but I don’t plan on making a big deal out of as it’s been done before.

There a metal band plan and simple, they got this cool little industrialesque thing going on which works in the bands favour, the lead singer is alright, but again nothing special the so a C for him, the riff are generally quite good but the solos are a bit wank so that even it out for a C. The band overall is just OK and the album is OK, it’s not that it’s a completely mind-blowing or completely shite it’s just sitting in a void of satisfactory, there the kind of band I wouldn’t go out of my way to see live but I’d probably see them support a better band, I wouldn’t buy the album but I’d listen to it. You see what I’m getting at here, the band are moderately good.

I guess it’s time for Pterry’s album high point and it’s this the song Take No Prisoners TAKE NO SHIT!… god if only I was reviewing Rust In Peace which is coincidently is a fucking masterpiece, but no it’s back to atomizer, I think I had a natural soft spot for because  of said song by Megadeth, but it’s simply a crunchy death metal riff, which is ye olde fashion way to play death metal and as a huge fan of bands like Cannibal Corpse, Six Feet Under, Death, ECT. This song will naturally earn its way into my good books.

There’s little more to say about this album the riffage is top-notch, the vocal are satisfactory and the solos are kind of shit. So if enjoy crunchy songs being played by dudes look like they should chasing a stoner and his talking greyhound around an abandoned warehouse then this is the album for you if you’re looking for something that really adds something to the metal scene then I guess save some money and keep your eyes peeled for some new albums on the horizon… or you could just listen to Rust in Peace.

5/10

PterryPtez

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Enemy of the Sun-Caedium

May 26, 2010

Label: Massacre

Arguably this could be one of the most diverse metal albums I’ve heard this year, you can really tell that the band clearly had room to experiment when writing. The songs seem to range from the very heavy song like Chasing The Dragon (which even briefly included some kind of gore grindesque growl about two minutes something in, although it did sound more like the work of the studio producer, rather than the bowls of the lungs, what with the echo and what not) to songs like I am One which is a kind of musical equivalent of a Snacka Jack (and no the producer of the incredibly tasty and low in fat Crisp (chips for are American Readers) are not paying me to include their glorious snack in my article). The range of songs on this album is impressive and the band get the Pterry Ptez gold sticker for being creative, trying hard and playing nicely with the other children.

It’s nowhere near the best album I’ve heard this year as I’m still wiping the jizz from mouth after blowing Angels Of Babylon, but it still top-notch stuff, and I refuse to suggest that the band should just keep to the sound that they’re best at, because I really would hate to see that happen, for Enemy of the Sun clearly know how to play around with musical styles. For added security I’m going to write directly at Enemy of the Sun for a second; keep experimenting and don’t be afraid to write something new as it going to put you ahead of the game in years to come, even if you do develop the douche bag fan base that Metallica did, which was the most annoying fucking part of the Metal community, when fans get pissed off because a band isn’t heavy enough. If fans throw their toys out the pram because you’re not writing what the want then fuck em’ all its your music of you write what ever the fuck you want. ( I would like to add that I don’t hate Metallica fans just the Douche bags with at say classic one liners like,“Metallica’s Kill em’ all is when they stop being as heavy as they previously were so that means they’ve totally sold out” it’s OK not to like they’re albums just don’t whine like your writing their songs).

My only complaint is and I know this incredibly hypocritical of me to even think this let alone actually write it down, but it could have been *sigh* heavier. Yes it appear I don’t practice what I preach, but come on there’s a lot worse example of hypocrisy, so I’m going give an example of one of histories great hypocrisy to take the heat off me slightly. God lays down the rule “Thou Shall not Commit Adultery” what does god do, gets a married woman pregnant before her husband even gets a chance. So I’m not the worse person in the world only one of many terrible people.

Overall though it was a good album and Enemy of the Sun are well worth a listening to and Caedium is a the kind of album you cool cats could get down and dirty with, you dig?

7/10 and a gold sticker

PterryPtez

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Sabaton-Coat of Arms

May 24, 2010

Sabaton, a Swedish battle metal band, who’ve opted to taking the high road and separate them from other bands of the genre, i.e. Turisas  and have decided to write about more how you say… modern wars (from what I gathered from listening to the album we’re talking world war 2ish). Although they have taken a more original approach to writing battle metal, the whole writing about more contemporary war is more likely to piss a lot of people off, it’s not a full-blown holocaust denial, but the song The Final Solution makes a real life genocide feel more like Jeff Wayne’s, War of The Worlds (which coincidently is awesome, the musical not the holocaust, I not going to stress that enough!).

Despite said issues, the album has quite a good sound to it and does make WW2 sound fucking epic, so I personally plea the any owners of a time machine not to listen to Coat of Arms as it could influence the decision “what time should I go back to first?” as the horrific events of say D-Day doesn’t come with an epic sound track. I did overall enjoy the album and the songs do seem to honour the people who fought and died in the war quite well, and hypothetically speaking if I was marching into battle I’d love to hear Sabaton before remembering I’m a complete pussy and judging by my questionable character, die in an incredibly dishonorable way, most probably with some wet knickers (hooray I conform to British stereotype by using the word knickers).

A personal highlight for me listening to this album was definitely the song Metal Ripper, come how can you not just love it for the name it has the two big hitters in there, the world Metal and a word that you would associate with being in a metal song, a song title like that belongs in a Judas Priest album. It’s also a pretty good song, as I always follow the Walk With Me in Hell rule if a song has the lyric “take my hand” that isn’t follow by a lyric like “come on baby doll we’ll walk/dance through/down the streets/beach/boulevard/high school prom” is in most instances is going to be pretty awesome.

Low point, honestly I couldn’t really pick one out, the album seem to be pretty consistent throughout and I guess the whole picking contemporary events thing is an issue, but it’s what like over half a century ago, so they haven’t pushed too many buttons, it does make me wonder though if in fifty years from now they’ll be another whiny critic bitching about a battle metal band writing about the Iraq war.

Coat of Arms an overall good album and it should really help push Sabaton more into the limelight this year, could have done with more songs about Winston Churchill though, but I guess I’m just a limey fuck.

a very strong 7/10

PterryPtez